It is beautiful...

"Though the world is ugly, IT IS BEAUTIFUL."  That line really stands out to me in this video.  That and "Moments...this is all we have.  Microscopic, fleeting moments."

*A woman I taught with is sitting at her mom's bedside at this moment, holding her hand as she dies of cancer.  Broken hearts.
*A 7 year old girl is fighting cancer, her days filled needles poking and treatments that make her sick and not seeing her family members (because they are far away).  Her parents are overcome with sadness, stress, and...hope.
*Another friend I have lost her mom in an instant a few months ago.  She didn't get to say goodbye.
*Children are dying from starvation and my children have plenty to eat.
*Some children, even some right here in our country where so many have so much, have no one tucking them in each night, no one caring enough to put healthy food in their bellies, no one reading them a story, and sometimes much worse.
*Women get pregnant and it's an inconvenience while some precious ladies I know would give ANYTHING to have a baby.  They long for a baby, while some view their children as anything but a blessing.

This world is ugly.  There is so much hurt.  The injustices and the hurting can be like an ocean and completely overtake you if you let it.
And I don't want to be light about it...I'm not walking any of the roads I listed above.  I don't want to pretend to understand.  I don't want to say what I would do if I was in their shoes.
So often when I am praying for these things that weigh on my heart, I think...what is the point of me counting these trivial little tiny things that are blessings through the day?  Why count blessings when the world's hurt is so overwhelming?  Doesn't that seem like I'm ignoring the ugly and just putting on a happy face?
Because...though the world is ugly, IT IS BEAUTIFUL.  Though this isn't Heaven, it IS earth.  It is our chance to enjoy the blessings God is giving us today, and long for the day the promise of Heaven will be fulfilled.  The day with no more cancer, no more death, no starving, dying children, no more infertility and miscarriage and loss.
Because if we let us, the losses and the hurt will overtake us and the truth is...even in the hurt, there is still beauty and blessings and the everyday things ARE really the big things.  And when we start to see the little things, the blessings through the day, we see how God is truly there through it all.  Not just there, but He is the everything, the reason we do what we do.  The reason there is joy and blessings, and the reason that one day the hurt will all be gone.
And when it's hard to count, when it's hard to see the joy because the hurt is blinding...then thank Him for the one thing that He has given that is far more than we deserve...salvation.  The best gift of all.

Church family

This morning church was a juggling act.  My hub and I lead a Young Marrieds Sunday School class and my man has been on a trip for the past four days.  Sooo...getting three kids ready for church was a task in and of itself.  Then my oldest's SS class wasn't meeting so she was in a different class, I didn't want the youngest in the nursery because he is a snotty mess right now (and I don't know if it's teeth or cold), and the middle child was not real excited about me leaving.  Fast forward to me finally getting in to class.  First of all, I'm not comfortable teaching without my hub anyway, second of all I realize I don't have our book with us (no materials at all with me!), and THEN my baby just cries and cries the whole way through class.  I pretty much just wanted to give up!
But...BUT, there's a part of the story I haven't told you.
One of the guys from our small group met me at my car to help me carry stuff in.
Another single mom for the weekend started leading discussion when I had to leave the room.  And the dad I spoke of before chimed right in with her.
The gracious ladies in the nursery loved on my kiddos like you wouldn't believe...even though they had a huge room full of kiddos.
Another mom in my small group walked my baby around for awhile just to give me a break.
All the people in our class had to go get their own chairs.  And they got one for me.  And I don't even think I ever said thanks!
And my inlaws took my big kids out to lunch when we got home!
I don't like to be needy.  At ALL actually.  I would say I hate to depend on others (besides my husband who I am more and more aware that I depend on a LOT!).  But sometimes, we just can't do it all on our own!  We need help!
It was really humbling to me all the people who stepped up to help us.
That, to me, is what church is all about. Serving God which means serving others. Being a family.  Loving God and loving each other.
So blessed to have my church family.

Celebrate

Today is my oldest's half birthday.  She is six and a half which is apparently a pretty big deal.  When we were talking about it, she shyly asked, "Will we get to do anything to celebrate?"  Now we don't usually celebrate half birthdays in our house, we just haven't made a habit of doing that.  But lately my thinking has been challenged on celebrating and enjoying and cherishing and making memories.  Not every day has to be a big production, but what if every day we celebrated somehow?  

She didn't want a party or a present or even a cake.  (Which is good because I'm not sure we would have done that.)  But when I asked her what would be a great celebration, her response was, "A donut.  And maybe a trip to the park."  

She won't always get what she wants.  She won't get to celebrate everyday with a donut and a trip to the park.  But for today, we're going to go celebrate turning six and a half.  We're going to eat a donut and play at the park and embrace today for what it is...a gift.  

With Thanksgiving

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I have been reading this verse for years, memorized it a long time ago, and consider it to be a great "life verse".  However as many times as I have read it, I think I have missed a crucial part of it...that little line that says with thanksgiving.  With thanksgiving.  In everything with thanksgiving.  Perhaps it is just because I am doing the 1000 gift challenge, but it seems everywhere I go, this message is coming through loud and clear.  The key to joy is in the thanksgiving.  The GIVING thanks.
As a wife and a mother there are a hundred little things that threaten to rob me of my joy, my ability to give thanks during the day.  And the big things, there are those too.
But those little things, those pesky little things like picking up Mr. Potato Head for the 100th time so the baby doesn't chew on it and choke, the laundry that still needs to be folded being dumped all over the floor by the toddler, being in the middle of Walmart when the 2 year old decides to have a meltdown to end all meltdowns, the getting up in the night for a sick child or infant...all of this threatens to rob me of my joy.  But what I am discovering is that when I choose to see these things for what they truly are, a gift, then my joy cannot be taken away.
As a woman, I have chosen life by bearing my children, but I also choose to nurture that life every single day.   Life is a gift, a precious gift.  So when the baby is crying, and my toddler is screaming, and a little old lady is telling me Oh these days go so quickly, I rest in this.  That when we choose to give and nurture life, to find the joy even in the pesky little things, to give thanks...we bring joy to the Father.  The secret to a joyful life?  It's not in the getting.  It's in the giving.

He restores my soul...

My husband saw me reading "A Place of Quiet Rest" and said "What's that?  A place of quiet rest?"  My immediate response was from the old hymn, "There is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God."  I hadn't read that in this book but immediately it clicked...that's what this idea of quiet time is all about.  Getting near to the heart of God.
For years I have felt guilt over not having enough quiet time with God, not having ANY quiet time with God, or not even thinking it was THAT important.  In college my excuses were way too busy with classes (I didn't even know what busy was but I sure thought I did!), or I did it when I prepared for Bible Study this week!  In early marriage my excuses were working a new job or being tired.  I was better about it then than in college, but mainly my quiet times were held out of guilt.  After having kids...well that's the perfect excuse for EVERYTHING, right!  :)  But I found myself being more anxious for my quiet times.  Actually looking forward to the quiet :), being able to take my worries to God, and to be restored by Him. 
The past few months my thinking has been really challenged on this subject through many sources, but a big one is this book "A Place of Quiet Rest".
"Wherever God finds you, if you are His child, I believe there is within you something that will never be satisfied with anything less than intimate fellowship with your Creator, Redeemer, and Heavenly Father.  Until you see Him face to face, you will never cease to hunger and thirst to know Him more.  I know that longing deep within my own soul."
These are Demoss' words...but man, they ring true here too.  No matter how much I know ABOUT God, I long to KNOW God.  I long to have fellowship with Him, and I long to communicate with Him day after day.  And at the times in my life when I have had this, when I go to Him honestly and openly, He never fails to restore my soul.  No, he doesn't always fix my problems.  :)  Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes God calms His child.  He restores my soul. 
So our quiet times can come to a place where they aren't done so much out of duty...but out of desire for that time with God.  I'm not there yet.  Oh man, I am SO not there yet.  :)  There are mornings when I do not make it to my Bible and think, I'm just going to have to get there during nap time.  But I feel like I'm on a journey to get there. 
I want my children to see their Mom in the word and think...that's how I've got to start my day.  I want them to see me enjoying my time alone with God.  And I want God to restore me so that I am the best wife, mom, friend, etc that I can be throughout the day. 
Selfish, yes.  Those are all things I want to gain.  I only hope that in the process my communion with God will bless Him too.  But you know what?  I think it will.  :)
"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in his temple."
Psalm 27: 4

The Prayer Promise

I started reading The Reading Promise a few months ago.  I liked the idea of the book...the premise is this dad and daughter read aloud together every night for years...I think they ended up with EIGHTEEN years or something like that.  While I fully agree that reading to our children is crucial and read to my children pretty much every night, I decided to use that idea to make a "promise" for something that is more important in my eyes.
I've also been reading A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh Demoss.  I highly recommend this book.  It has challenged my thinking on my quiet times like never before.  I want to blog more about this soon but for the sake of this blog post, I want to focus on this "promise" I made to my daughter.  Demoss really emphasizes the need to have your quiet time be first thing in the morning.  I had always thought that it didn't really matter when you did it during your day (and still feel that SOMETIME is better than no time!), but truly now think that beginning my day alone with God is the best time to do it. 
When my five year old started school, I decided to implement this idea very simply with her in something I called The Prayer Promise.  The idea is that we will pray for her day every morning before school.  Very simple, many people do this I realize...but just trying to hold myself accountable to doing that AND establish a pattern for her of beginning her day with prayer.  Now I use promise very loosely because I know that there will be days I will forget (I have already forgotten once).

These are some things I hope she will gain from this:
A daily pattern of beginning her day with prayer
A habit of praying for her teachers and friends
Allowing God to be in control of her day
A greater love of the Lord and communication with Him

These are some things I hope I will gain from this:
A daily pattern of praying for her day and my son's day
Remembering to pray for her teachers and friends
Encourage an open relationship with my daughter where she can express her worries and concerns

So...so far, so good.  :)  She seems ready and eager to pray each morning. I hope we can keep it up. 

Wow, it's been awhile!

It's been quite a while since I wrote on this blog...

Today my oldest started school.  The past couple of days as we have prepared for Kindergarten, I have had many thoughts going through my head.  There are two that I struggle with.  The first is wondering if she will be treasured.  Will they see the precious little girl that I see?  Will they love her like I love her?  Will they value her insights and opinions?  And let's be honest...doesn't every parent wonder and worry over this?  Some more than others, of course.  I don't want to be one of those extreme cases...the hovering mom, the one that the teachers roll their eyes at.  But I also can sympathize with all of those "annoying" parents.  That's how I feel too!  I believe a good teacher treasures each child...loves them for who they are.  However I know (because I've been there!) that it's awfully hard to do that when class sizes are big, time is scarce, and pressures abound.

The second is I don't want her to lose her innocence.  I realize that as kids grow up, it is a blessing when they are exposed to different backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs. But when that happens too fast, it can have devastating results.  I want to be the one to *explain* some things to her and there are definitely things that I will be fine with her learning about in third grade, but not Kindergarten.  I don't want her to have to learn hard lessons...but I know that's part of growing up.  There are also little things I don't want her to lose.  The way she says some words that is just so HER but not necessarily the right way to say them, the way she makes up her own words sometimes, the way she lives in pretend world 90 percent of the time.  I know those things will probably change this year too.  But I hope they don't go away completely. 

Letting go is hard.  But I don't know how I'd do it if I didn't have the security of knowing that God is with her.  Because while I do "let her go" and she stays in Kindergarten without me, I know she's not staying there alone.  I've told her at any time during the day if she is scared or lonely, she knows God is with her and she can say a prayer.  And I know that I can give her the best thing I can give her by praying for her. 

So...if you are reading as one of those moms (or dads) that is "letting go" some this season...you aren't alone!  There are lots of us having to let go.  And there is One that never lets go...