Are you listening?

"Mom, are you listening?"  I hear my six year old ask as I am trying to get the two year old to sit on the potty and wrestling my ten month old at the same time.  No, I am not listening.  Most of the time I have heard her, but I am not truly listening.  No one likes to talk to someone that isn't listening.
I teach my children what I have learned in school that active listening involves your eyes, ears, hands (still and not a distraction), and your heart.  But how often do I give them that?
My husband is a great listener.  I know when I talk, he is really paying attention to what I say.  It's one of the things I love most about him.  It frustrates me too, because he is not always a great responder in my eyes.  Many times I don't think he is listening because he doesn't respond the way I would, but I have learned over the years...most of the time, it's because he is still listening and digesting what I have said.  Then he puts a lot of thought into how he will respond.
How many times in our "listening" are we really just thinking about what we are going to say next?  That's not really listening.  I get very nervous in empty silence...but lots of times silence just means people are focused on others and not on themselves.
Proverbs 18:2 says "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions."  Later in Proverbs 18:13, "He who answers before listening-that is his folly and shame."

We read this in our Bible Study a few weeks ago...words of truth..."A wise parent talks when the kids are in the mood.  Every so often, they will ask a question, make a comment, reveal some little aspect of their heart. In those times, when their conscience is stirred, you need to talk.  This may require dropping everything else to seize a critical moment...You will miss precious opportunities when you only half-listen to your children." (Ted Tripp...Shepherding a Child's Heart)


Oh Lord, I am a fool lots of the time.  Teach me to be a better listener.  To my friends, to my husband, and to my children.  And to You.  Shut my mouth, and open my eyes, ears and heart to the needs and thoughts of those around me.   I don't want to be a half listener anymore...Help me to actively listen!  

Still counting those gifts...
190.  For a husband who really listens.
191.  Time with my sweet girl last night, time to really listen.
192.  For God who really listens and who cares about every detail of our lives.
193.  For the anticipation of seeing our family next week!
194.  For thankful, grateful children.
195.  Getting to visit Emma's school again yesterday and seeing an opera!
196.  For those who serve our country and protect our freedom
197.  And for their families.
198.  Going into a store yesterday with all three kids JUST to look at the Christmas display...
199.  And seeing their complete and utter delight.  Oh the simple joys!

1000 Blessings

181.  Reading many thankful posts during this Thankful season
182.  Getting to eat lunch with my 1st grader yesterday at school
183.  Snuggling with that first grader this morning for a few precious moments.  Miss my one on one with her.
184.  Coffee on cold mornings
185.  A day off for my husband
186.  A good school for my 1st grader with caring teachers
187.  My family...I am so lonesome for them!
188.  Jesus.  My reason to live.
189.  That His mercies are new every morning.

Two articles you should read!

Two of my cousins have great articles out right now, especially for younger readers.
My cousin Kim writes about sexual purity here.  It is an excellent article...one of my fav things she says is "Short term pleasures are Satan's territory.  Long term joy is God's".

My cousin Holly writes about God using young people and that being young is not an excuse for sinful behavior.  Love her "Say Not That I am a Child".

168.  An impromtu play date at the park...complete with Starbucks for the mamas.  :)
169.  Good visit with my brother in law, sis in law, and nephews.  I love and cherish family.
170.  Church thanksgiving!
171.  My kids SO excited about Operation Christmas Chld
172.  Zumba...sometimes ya just need to burn some major calories!
173.  Much needed date with my hub...the fact that we can have fun together just going to Target
174.  Cinnamon rolls
175.  Unexpected warm days!  No coat needed!
176.  Kids who are thankful

177.  My baby boy saying "Mama"

178.  My baby boy saying "Dada"...that boy loves his daddy
179.  A hard working husband
180.  Healthy children

1000 Blessings

153.  Extra snuggles with my teething baby
154.  Talking to my mama on the phone
155.  A Starbucks date with a good friend
156.  Kids so excited over riding the combine

157.  Good soup on a cold day
158.  Our Sunday School class...watching God grow us as married couples
159.  Relaxing, stay at home weekend
160.  Unexpected short weekend shift for E
161.  Apple pie
162.  Forgiveness
163.  Daylight savings time...an extra hour (even though it wreaks havoc on children's sleep!)
164.  Cold evenings...beautiful skies
165.  My son singing "Me and my mama..." a little diddy he made up.  :)
166.  My kids' prayers before school.  T always seems to work in "Help mama make cookies"
167.  Good friendships between brother and sister

Blessed

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him."  Romans 4: 7-8  (said by David)

152.  Thanks be to God for forgiveness of my sins.  

"If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins...who could stand?"

Do you ever read Scripture and it's like God is speaking right to you, piercing your heart?  When I read this, I just have to pause and say...Certainly not me, God.  I couldn't stand.  Thank You, Thank You that I don't have to stand without You.  That Your blood paid the price for me.  

 

1000 Gifts

146.  Movie night
147.  A brave little girl after a skinned knee.
148.  A not quite potty trained two year old making progress
149.  Brother and sister playing board games together
150.  Caramel corn
151.  Laundry almost caught up!

Pursuit of the heart

Yesterday I failed as a parent.  Big time.  You know that feeling where you wish you could do it over?  Where you'd do everything different?   Yep, that was where I was at.   The to do list was miles long (it was Halloween after all), we were already running behind, and my girl was dragging her feet in the slowest way.  Instead of trying to get to the heart of what was going on, I went immediately to a consequence.  And it broke her sweet heart.  You see, she was out of line, but if I had stopped to explore why she was out of line, instead of just trying to fix or change the behavior, I would have gotten somewhere.
This is a concept we have talked about in our small group over and over again and seems to be a theme of Christian parenting studies.  The way it's presented is often different, but the idea is the same...
When we parent, we need to seek to change our child's heart toward Christ, not just change the behavior.

This is no easy task.  It's hard to do this in everyday life.  And certainly there are some scenarios that warrant immediate behavior changing action.  But the heart is our goal.

And isn't that how God loves us?  Isn't that the whole faith/works relationship?  We are saved by accepting  Christ, by our heart being His...but if our hearts are His, won't our works and deeds be pleasing to Him?  (As pleasing as humans can be!)  I'm reading Romans right now and at the end of Chapter 2, Paul talks about being a Jew inwardly and circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit.  It's not enough just to do the "right stuff"...God wants our heart.  He wants obedience out of love and devotion.

Thank GOD He seeks our hearts, and not our works because we could never measure up!  And neither can our kids...we can't be surprised when they sin.  They are human after all.  :)  But we have to seek to point their precious hearts to God.  We have to pursue their hearts relentlessly.  

And what I'm finding lately is just how little I let my kids see that I fail too.  I want to have everything together for them, so that they know that I will always take care of them.  But they need to see that their mama needs God's grace just as much as they do.

So after school had already started and I was sitting in the living room with a tear stained little girl who had finally calmed from her complete melt down... after I realized that being late to school was nothing compared to the complete and utter fatigue this little girl was feeling (I sent her back to bed for awhile in between),  I said, "I'm sorry.  I punished you before I talked to you and I didn't know all the facts.  I shouldn't have done that.  I still believe you deserved a consequence, but I also believe that I should have listened."  And she looked at me with her big brown eyes that still had a few tears in them and said four words that melted my heart.  "I forgive you, Mom."

And I'm still counting...but I'm behind. :)
123. A trip to see Meme and Granddad.  Safe travels on the long drive there and back.
124.  Meme and her "cinnamomomom rolls" 
125.  Trick or treating...several times.  So fun to see the kiddos in costumes!
126.  Good talks with E in the car.
127.  A neighbor who spoils my kids
128.  Riding on a pony at the carnival!
129.  Good times shopping with my mama.
130.  A lot of spoiling by Meme and Granddad
131.  God's grace.  That He doesn't give up on me.
132.  Answered prayers for a good friend.
133.  Hot coffee on cold, dark mornings
134.  A trip to the farm/playground...awesome place for kiddos in Kansas
135.  That no matter the results of the election, Jesus is still the One in charge.  :)
136.  For awesome in laws that help us when we can't be in every place we need to at once.
137.  For my husband's funny texts he sends me during the day.  Keeps us both sane.
138.  For E's job.
139.  A little sister who is growing up to be an awesome young lady.  
140.  A week off from teaching.  Love teaching but it's nice to have a week where evenings are free (or at least free-er)
141.  Friends who pray for me.
142.  A family member who is recovering
143.  That croup is gone from this house
144.  A big brother who looks out for his little brother
145.  Coats and warm clothes in the cold